[Dreams come true every day...]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrr-HaDrW1U

[Public off-load!!!]

You just feel people don’t do what you want them to do and don’t even want to compromise. They just stick with their view towards life and refuse to change… Then, they come to you and blame you for being at the wrong time in the wrong place, meeting wrong people, saying wrong things, looking at something wrong and dreaming of something wrong again… Who is the one to tell us what is right and what is wrong? What is wrong for you – might be perfectly right for me! Have you though about that..? Maybe your view towards life isn’t the right one? Maybe… Oh well… People are people and everything is about perception. It’s about how you see and interpret things. Don’t blame other girls/guys for stealing your boyfriend/girlfriend just because you don’t want to make more effort as you feel you ‘got him/her’.. Make sure she/he is interested in you and if you’re the BEST then why would he/she go anywhere else?! Don’t blame the world for boring job and think that people are weird if they enjoy it -- think of how you can make most of every moment you live! Don’t blame God for doing bad things to you, God’s nature is different. Blame Satan for all the bad things that has happened to you. And yes, it takes a lot of time and even more pain to realise that your friends want to help you, not to hurt you.. You probably misunderstood their words and actions. Just talk… All these phone companies and free internet sites offering you this FREE communication! FRE FREE FREE!!! But, if you can meet up in real – life, use it. I’d rather have a few good friends in real life than thousands of them on internet..
Don’t complain how fat you are. Do something about it! Most slim people live healthy lives, move a lot and eat only good food. It takes effort to look good. And you’ll need to adapt a different lifestyle and forget about fast food and start cooking GOOD food! During the war there were no fat people. Remember that. We overeat and we certainly eat a lot more than we should. I was taught by my dad since I was a baby how to live healthily and having a fast metabolism help as well. But remember, I could certainly eat FASTER than my metabolism works!But I just choose not to! ;) My dad always told me to eat my main meal around 3-4PM, eat slowly and not to have any desserts if I’m full. In the evening we used to have some bread, jam and milk. No heavy dinners or pizzas at 9 o’clock! My dad is still slim and healthy. I hope for the same when I’m his age. ;P
Don’t come to me for advice if you’re gonna flush it all down the toilet. I know I talk a lot but quite often I tell you things that I know works/helps. I often have people telling me their problems, I try to help, they get angry with me coz they don’t want to listen to me and after a while they get back to me saying I was right. What for?! Just listen and do as I’m saying in the first place, it’ll save you time and emotional distress! I’m not telling you to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend coz I want your boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s because I can see that it’s not going to work and I’m trying to save you from suffering in the future! So far, I was never wrong about dysfunctional/unhappy/with no future relationships and I never ever stole anyone’s partner! So, calm down. Also, don’t complain that you got no future, make a plan for the next week/month/year and tick off all the things you’ve done. Good feeling when you look back at the list for the whole year and see you’ve done most of it even though it’s still April! But don’t forget to write realistic things. Don’t write ‘find a girlfriend/boyfriend’ because it’s not up to you what happens in relationships, this thing shouldn’t be on the written list. And you’ll get upset if you can’t get close to someone you like. Write things that you’re actually willing to do, e.g. ‘Send out Summer Cards for family saying that you miss them!’ or ‘Post something for my niece’.

And finally… Learn to stay still. Staying still is very important in order to listen to yourself. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be and think of what you can do to become THAT person. Maybe you need to learn to give? Or maybe you need to learn to relax..? And DO invest your time in people that want to be your friends. Open ALL doors in Life, even if you know nobody is behind them, you won't be sure until you see it for yourself. ;) There might not be a person behind those doors, might be an opportunity to do something good or becme a better person..

Ok. This was such a good public off-load.. ;D I can go back to work now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqkFgeBFTWU

[Small small steps..]

..towards the BIG life. I'm getting tired.. My Spirit is so old that my young bones just get tired carrying it sometimes..
God, I know one day it will all become easier. People always think beautiful people get on with life easier. Well, this is not true. When you got to go through life without anyone helping you, everything is hard. No matter how beautiful you are. And what's that all about? - Beauty doesn't give me any money, I have to go to work and look after people to get money. And plus, get on with my Uni stuff too.

Yeah, right. Who really cares...?

I know!

God does. And that's enough for me. I love Jesus...

[Life.Life? Life...]

How long does a presence last..?
- A few seconds…?
- One second?
- A moment…?
- How long..?

What do you call your LIFE?
- Your love?
- Your family?
- Your job?
- Food..?
- God..?
- What? Or Who…?

What makes you happy?
- Stranger’s smile?
- ‘ Hello’ from someone you thought has forgotten about you..?
- A hug?...
- Something else..?

How do you feel when you know the future..?
- Scared?
- Happy?
- Calm?
- Worried..?

What do you do when you can’t do anything..?
- Hide?
- Carry on trying to help even if you know that you can’t really help, no matter what you do..
- You just ignore the whole thing and say: ‘oh well, I can’t do anything about it’ and walk away..?

It’s Life.. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know some things or I didn’t feel in a certain way. Or I wasn’t the way I am.. Or I didn’t care.. Or that I never wanted to help others. Or I didn’t blame myself for not managing to ‘fix’ people. Especially, the loved ones.. Sometimes I can’t help and I can’t calm down until I get the feeling that ‘this is it. I’ve done my job. The rest is up to God to do.’ And sometimes, I just can’t let go if I don’t get that feeling and the person doesn’t want my help.. I can’t turn around and walk away. But sometimes I have to. And it hurts. And I never forget that (s)he pushed me away when I tried to help.
Every morning I draw my face in the mirror and promise to do something good. And every night I ask God whether I’ve done anything good or not. And on some days I know I have, and on the other days.. I know I haven’t. And this is Life.. People come and go.. You visit different places.. You find Home.. You find your Time.. Your Person.. Your Love.. And your LIFE.. Finally, you become a Person you always wanted to be. And you behave in a way that you think is the best.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I won’t give up trying to ‘fix’ my parents.. At least.. now they know how much they mean to me and they know I want to help. I’d give so much to hug them both and tell them that everything’s going to be ok. I want them to be strong for a little bit longer.. Maybe I’ll manage to ‘fix’ them in July? But I need them to want my help..
I pray that I’m not too late.. And hope that God changes the future..

Goodnight.

[Ieva--Sugalvok Man]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI8N--c_fus&feature=related

[Fixing people..]

I'm one of those that ALWAYS try to fix people. And just recently I understood that it's ME that needs fixing most..

[Envy..]

I don't know whether I envy anyone's life.. Maybe sometimes. Maybe those people that had my dreams come true.. I look at them and think - God, What's about me..?

[you care and they shit on your heart..]

When God told me to leave my (well paid) job in a posh restaurant and go and look after old people, I just laughed and said that He can do that but I'm not going to wipe people's as...s for a minimum wage. and I think God just laughed at me. Anyway, I got a job in a care home and a year later I was complaining to God how hard physically and emotionally was to deal with these old people that come there to die. Plus, being at University was pretty stressfull too. And God gave me a new job to look after young adults with brain damage or some other neuropsychological illness. This job came from nowhere and I felt it was all I needed. I love my job now and I put 150% of myself when I work. I go this extra mile and do thing I'd only do to my family, not to the ones that I get paid for to look after...
And today I was called into a meeting where I was told the person I was looking after is accusing me of horrible things.. I was shocked. I felt like I've given my heart to that person and that person decided to shit on it and throw it down the toilet...
I'm just so hurt.. Never ever in my life I got slapped like that... Did I make a mistake of going this extra mile and doing thinngs that I would do to the loved ones..? God knows I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, everybody knows that I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone's in shock that this person chose me to pick on.
Oh well..... I'll get over it and go back to work on Saturday.
Goodnight...